One of the most common requests I recieve in coaching is, “I want to have more gravitas.” I’m sure we would all agree that it’s an empowering leadership behaviour, but what is it really?

If someone is sitting next to you right now with gravitas; how do you know? What are they doing? Can you describe that behaviour?

A typical description would be something like: A quick-thinking extrovert who is confident and always right. Let’s dispel a few myths here:

• Being quick? – Not a necessity; a slower, more considered response can carry more weight than the knee jerk reaction
• Being extrovert? – Not essential; some extroverts are ignored and some introverts that don’t speak often, but when they do everyone listens
• Confidence? – This is easier to attain than people think; it’s the absence of self doubt; stopping any self-attributed, negative thoughts will leave a naturally confident state
• Always being right? - An unachievable objective; defending a weak position is a mistake; as is withholding your contribution for fear of being wrong is psychologically crippling

So how can you behave in a way that others would describe as gravitas?

Firstly; change your attention direction - is it inward or outward? Ask yourself: When you meet someone for the first time are you thinking, ‘what do I think of them?’ or are you thinking ‘what do they think of me?’? Being ‘self conscious’ is exactly that. Turn your attention outwards - set observational tasks, listen more carefully; watch body language.

Secondly; does your body language match what you are saying? When it matches it’s clear that you are congruent with your message, that you believe it. To achieve this:

• Be courageous – to become involved in politics will weaken your stance as a leader (although it seems a successful strategy for a lot of middle management). Always stand up for the right thing regardless of the imagined consequences.
• Be open – If you have hidden agendas, they will come across in your behaviour. Besides, openness makes it difficult for others to be suspicious of you and leaves no ammunition that could be used against you.
• Be frank – Have you ever heard the expression ‘there’s an elephant in the room and nobody’s talking about it’? People with gravitas will not leave the room without addressing the elephant.